I got myself an early Christmas gift in form of a bike. I haven't owned a bike for 25 years (unless you count motorbikes) and haven't ridden one in 18 years. Today I set up my new bike (or I at least I thought I did) and rode to post office and M&S. Anyone who knows Brighton, especially area where I live, Patcham, knows that it's nothing but hills as it's right beside the South Downs which is also nothing but hills.

I live on a steep hill, so I wasn't really able to test the bike out on a flat, unless I had walked it down to the little bit of flat before the next hill. I did what any other middle aged man would do and hopped on the bike and started rolling downhill.

First test was the brakes. "Hydraulic disc brakes, this thing should stop on a dime" I thought to myself. No such luck. I kept thinking of my motorbike brakes, and expected that instant nod of the front when applying the brake. No, nothing... I had to engage rear and front brakes to slow down while rolling down the hill. "Ok", I thought, "now I know the tolerances" .

I reached the flat at the bottom and started pedaling. My feet were spinning on empty, panic stepped in and I started frantically pressing all the gear levers. "Who the hell invented four lever system" I cursed in my head. When I was young, two levers mounted horizontally in the centre stem did just fine. It wasn't just the four levers, it's that they worked opposite to each other. Front small lever on one side upshifts and the other side downshifts. My reliable Helkama Kulkuri 10 was so much simpler.

There I was, constantly shifting, pedalling on every gear except the one that was right slowly rolling along. Even at a slight upward slope, my legs were gassing out. They haven't done this kind of movement in decades. The same hill that I happily walk up turned into a battle on a bike.

I thought I had set the bike right, as being a tall bloke, I had ordered the bike that supposed to be the right for me. Size XL for 6'1 - 6'5. I was a bit concerned as I was standing over the bike and the centre bar was only a slightly lower than my gentleman bits, so I had also lowered the seat quite a bit from the factory setting to be sure I can have my feet on the ground while stationary. Well this wasn't the right setting. While sitting and pedaling, my legs never fully extended, meaning I was pedaling in semi squat position. Have you ever tried a squat walk? A walk where one is squatting and walking in that position. It is extremely tiresome.

Mental note: "The seat needs to lifted up a bit". "Also need more air in the tires, clearly they were set up for sand or snow" I thought. Who lives next to a sandy trail? I assume that most people need to ride at least somewhat before they can read the wilderness trails. So the seat needs lifting, but hang on. If the seat is higher, then my neck will be in even more awkward position. This means the stem needs lifting up as well. The seat, the stem and more air in the tires. Check.

I had been forethoughtful and purchased cycling pants. I knew from previous experience that taking up riding the bike after a break will affect one's rear in a negative way. I had my cycling pants on. I call them Chimp-bum-zee pants, because they have some extra padding around the bottom (to protect my tainted love) and the padding is bright red even though the pants are otherwise black. I also want to throw my faeces at other people, although that might have nothing to do with the padded pants.

I made it to M&S and bought my sausages and thick cut bacon. I walked to my bike, dreadding the ride back home. There was my brand new bike all alone in the bike stand surrounded by an endless queue of cars trying to get in and out of the parking lot after getting the meal deal with the bottle of wine for the night. I unlocked my bike, packed the lock in my backpack and got ready to cycle out. Just as I was about to take off, a father and a son came out of M&S father eating what looked like a pork pie and son, not more than 5 years old, following not far behind.

"Look, that man is on a bike" said the boy, "that's so cool". I felt tremendously proud. Me, a fat old bloke on a bike and this wee nipper thought it was cool. Maybe he thought it was Santa in civvies doing some shopping before retiring back to the den with the elves to finish off the gift making.

I rode off from M&S; down the hill and onto the flat. I was again desperately trying to find the right gear on the 20 mile an hour zone not to be too much of a nuisance to cars. I'm not a fan of cyclists on traffic, so I promised myself to be as courteous cyclist as possible. I was dodging the drains and potholes with my underinflated tires. I got to the bottom of the hill where I lived. I rode up about quarter of it, huffing and puffing, my feet wildly pedalling like they were just kicking air. My lungs gave up. I got off the bike and walked up rest of the hill. Parked the bike on the back and set it up for all the adjustments that I needed to do. I was consoled by the thought that with proper adjustments, properly inflated tires and a bit more riding this was going to get much easier.

Body is very adaptive. It will get very efficient in everything one does. This is why running, working out, dancing every kind of movement will get easier and more efficient over time. The best way to improve one's health is make the body to things it hasn't done at all or in a while at least. This activates the muscles, fascial tissues and neural pathways creating resilience and efficiency. Happy moving!